In the near future, a small team of genetically engineered meta-humans defend our country's interests at home and abroad…They are the Vanguard.
Updates Wednesdays and Fridays.
I’m not trying to be a jerk, and usually I wouldn’t say anything, especially since I read your first intro where you said this was your first time writing a comic yourself. I’d like to believe this sort of thing improves as the comic goes on, so I am going to power through, but you really need to work on your writing.
This page for example. Ophelia asks “why can’t we get satellites?” the general responds “Good question, the simple answer is we can’t” Read out loud, that makes no sense. The answer to “why can’t we” is not “we can’t”. If she had asked “why don’t we” it would make sense, or if you had cut the general’s dialogue down to explain resources are spread thin, it would work better.
Another example is page 9 when Pendragon says “How’s things”, which uncontracted is ” how is things” it should be “are”, otherwise it makes Pendragon sound like he is incredibly uneducated, which he clearly is not. These are small things, but they make a big difference and drive away readers. I don’t know if you can fix the pages themselves, and like I said, hopefully this is just a problem you had in the beginning.
Thanks for the feedback. The numerous grammatical and spelling errors have been corrected and updated for the trade paperback. I really need to go back and re-upload the revised pages.
All the best,
The wolfman is right, there’s not enough intel at all for the mission. They’re being told to go into a huge area, that’s extremely and violently unstable, and risk themselves for the off-chance that their priority target is alive, and then attempt to retrieve them using force as necessary. That’s a terrible mission.
Gradlon is bang on the money. I’d pipe up and say something if I was asked to do something similar!
I love how you’ve got several UK groups represented with the super squad. Super-Kilt Man! 😉
Gotta get on the case and add a Welsh and an Irish person!
©2012-2015 Dan Butcher | Powered by WordPress with ComicPress
| Subscribe: RSS
| Back to Top ↑