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V01 Pg13
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V01 Pg13

on January 27, 2012 at 6:01 am

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└ Tags: Issue One, Pages

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Discussion (8) ¬

  1. man in black
    man in black
    January 27, 2012, 10:58 pm | # | Reply

    great page

  2. Chaosmancer
    Chaosmancer
    January 26, 2014, 5:22 am | # | Reply

    I’m not trying to be a jerk, and usually I wouldn’t say anything, especially since I read your first intro where you said this was your first time writing a comic yourself. I’d like to believe this sort of thing improves as the comic goes on, so I am going to power through, but you really need to work on your writing.

    This page for example. Ophelia asks “why can’t we get satellites?” the general responds “Good question, the simple answer is we can’t” Read out loud, that makes no sense. The answer to “why can’t we” is not “we can’t”. If she had asked “why don’t we” it would make sense, or if you had cut the general’s dialogue down to explain resources are spread thin, it would work better.

    Another example is page 9 when Pendragon says “How’s things”, which uncontracted is ” how is things” it should be “are”, otherwise it makes Pendragon sound like he is incredibly uneducated, which he clearly is not. These are small things, but they make a big difference and drive away readers. I don’t know if you can fix the pages themselves, and like I said, hopefully this is just a problem you had in the beginning.

    • MrHades
      MrHades
      January 27, 2014, 10:43 am | # | Reply

      Hello there!

      Thanks for the feedback. The numerous grammatical and spelling errors have been corrected and updated for the trade paperback. I really need to go back and re-upload the revised pages.

      All the best,

      Dan
      MrHades

  3. A Gray Phantom
    A Gray Phantom
    June 3, 2014, 3:02 am | # | Reply

    The wolfman is right, there’s not enough intel at all for the mission. They’re being told to go into a huge area, that’s extremely and violently unstable, and risk themselves for the off-chance that their priority target is alive, and then attempt to retrieve them using force as necessary. That’s a terrible mission.

    • Dan
      Dan
      June 3, 2014, 10:26 am | # | Reply

      Gradlon is bang on the money. I’d pipe up and say something if I was asked to do something similar!

  4. daemondan
    daemondan
    September 23, 2014, 2:33 pm | # | Reply

    I love how you’ve got several UK groups represented with the super squad. Super-Kilt Man! 😉

    • Dan
      Dan
      September 24, 2014, 11:01 am | # | Reply

      Gotta get on the case and add a Welsh and an Irish person!

  5. Night-Gaunt49
    Night-Gaunt49
    October 23, 2016, 7:15 pm | # | Reply

    And if they are dead to wipe out the militia members—every one of them!
    “Cobalt” is the code name for the clean up if hostages are dead.

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